Snickers, Ninja-Moves, and Epic Failures!

Lonely? Grab a Snickers!
yey! :3

The other night, I bought this bar of snickers. I wasn't able to eat it that night 'coz I totally forgot that I bought it. And it was getting late when I arrived home.

The next day, I was off to school to attend to a certain commitment involving my scholarship. The only hassle is that the meeting would start by 4 pm and I've arrived too early. It was 12 noon so I've got 4 hours to kill.

There is this school fair coming  and our organization is preparing a booth for it. Every orgs in the school does every year to show the prospect students what it's like to be in the course. Well, I wasn't really that helpful. I can help, but I'm not sure what I'll do. And there are a bit too many hands in there already. So I'd just be blocking their way if I linger there around.

So, I've decided to take some lunch with some friends, and played Dota while waiting. Enjoyed the games and had really good time, though deep inside, there was something missing.

* * *

When it's almost time, I decided to pass by the booth. They were really enjoying things down there. And one of our profs was there, and it seems that he's enjoying watching the others prepare the booth. After a while of chit-chat, I decided to look for where the meeting is gonna take place.

On my way, I noticed a girl, sitting on some low, concrete-walls that's guarding the soil of a tree. She's there and it seems that she's picking-up someone, a kid, maybe a sibling or a close-relative, 'coz she's holding a lunch box of a toddler. I didn't know if she was there the first time I passed.

It was just a quick glance and realized that it was her! The one I admire, the one who said 'hi' and left me stunned. The girl I don't have the courage to face. I suddenly panicked, didn't know what to do. Didn't know if she noticed, or saw me or whatever. I wanted to say 'hi' but I can't. I simply lack the courage to do so.

So I walked as if I didn't notice her, and kept myself calm. I went to the hall where the meeting takes place and cursed myself for not having the guts to say 'hi'.

* * *

A similar thing happened a few days before that. I was on my way to the lobby when I realized that she's coming from the opposite direction to where I was going. Again, I panicked and did some stupid ninja-moves. I decided to go around a different path and just ignored her. I didn't know if she noticed or even saw me. But if she did, I totally screwed up that day.

* * *

So after the meeting, expecting that she'll not be there, I decided to go check the booth again. But hey, she's still there! And fuck stupid me, I really wanted to say 'hi'. Just a simple 'hi' will do, no more stupid follow-up conversations. But  fuck stupid me, I just really can't.

I don't know if those were opportunities God gave me, but really, I just can't get a hold of myself whenever she's near. I'm not strong enough, I'm too weak!

* * *

A shot before the event.
I was expecting more participant would be there,
but I guess, it was just too early.

So, I came to school earlier than expected. I was hoping that the hall would already be crowded at the time that I arrived. Well, lucky me. I was assigned to the technical team, in-charged of some technical stuffs for the program. But truth is, we're just really back-ups.

I wasn't able to do anything at all during the whole day. All  I did was pass by the booth, stay in one place then another, and watch others do their job. I was totally lost the whole day. Absent-minded because of what happened earlier that day.

* * *

Earlier that day, I was sitting on some bleachers together with some familiar faces. And I assumed that they were also assigned to the technical team, and I was right. Then she came, her bestfriend. the one I've been chatting to once in a while.

I promised her the night before that I'd give her my flash drive containing some of the movies she'd requested a long time ago. But I just can't give it to her. One of her classmate was there, and they were chatting. It's awkward for me 'coz I don't have the confidence to talk to her in person, while it seems that I'm pretty close to her during our messages online.

That's really awkward. I admit it, I was too shy to even say a proper 'hi' to her. So lame. :'(

* * *

Plus, there were a few times I've almost bumped into Ms. M during the fair, But all I did was do some stupid nninja-moves and ignore her. 

From now on, I'll call her Ms. M and her bestfriend, the one I've been chatting to would be Ms. A.

Stupid me!

Ms. A and Ms. M
I tried painting them, but it's an epic fail! >.<

Stunned, Wrecked and Ruined!

After my friend got the video for my birthday, I lost all of my confidence to face the girl I admire. I also learned that she already has a boyfriend and that they've been in a relationship for two years. That really destroyed every small rays of hope I had.

I thought that with the video, I would have a chance, an opportunity to try and be a friend her, but knowing the situation, I lost my cool. I always try to avoid going to the places where she is to avoid meeting her, and to avoid being teased by my friends. Since then, I started avoiding her like hell.

* * *

Later on, maybe a few weeks after that happened, my friend, the one who got the video, learned from a very reliable source, the girl's best friend, that the couple broke up. The reason was very simple, her priority was her study. He was doubting that reason for an unknown reason. He said that it was unreasonable because from what we've learned, they've been in a relationship for two years.

I kept wearing poker face to avoid being teased. XD

I kept my poker face. Deep inside, a small ray of hope had shined. But it was obstructed by the fact that I don't have yet the courage to approach, or even say "hi" to her.

* * *

And that fucking moment came. It started in the library. Our group was doing our thing, projects as usual. Then their group came in and did their own thing as well. My friend was too busy so I pretended that I didn't notice and continued doing my job. Then a few minutes later, I noticed that they've already spotted us. Her friend kept smiling at our direction, and she had looked a few times already. How did I notice, I've got a third eye for such thing. XD

Anyway, since I can't focus on the thing I've been doing, I told my friend the situation. He can't stop himself from laughing. My friend and her best friend kept smiling at each other knowing our current situation. So I wasn't able to continue my job.

They've left the library. I thought that everything was over. Until...

* * *

Our group decided to take a break. We went down to go to the canteen. While descending the stairs, my mind was nowhere to be found. I wasn't there at that moment. I'm not sure what I was thinking back then. After a turn in the stairs, they were there. It was a coincidence that they were also going to the canteen.

They've noticed us. Her best friend nudged her. And without warning, she waved and said "hi!'.

She really said "hi" that time. XD

After she waved and said "hi!", I was stunned, dumbstruck by the situation. I didn't know what to respond. I looked at her blankly for a few seconds. I didn't even responded to her. Then they continued walking to the canteen where we are also headed.

Dumbstruck, didn't know what to say after that "hi!'. =(
This image is not mine, just got it over the net.

After those fucking situations, I felt like blood already left my head. I went straight to the fountain and drank water just after arriving at the canteen. Went and sat down, didn't eat, didn't speak. For some moments, my friends thought that I wasn't feeling well. It is true that I became very pale after going through all that. A very immature response for that situation.

* * *

I felt very sorry for myself, very ashamed for what I've done. At least I should have responded to her greetings. That was very not cool.

I continued feeling the same the whole week.

* * *

Later that week, my friend had a news for me. He learned that she's back with her boyfriend for a few weeks already. Good thing, he told me that through text. Nobody had a chance to see how shocked I am, how wrecked I am when that little ray of hope was removed from me.

I there's anything left, I'm sure it's already broken.

After that, I kept my cool, told those who knew that it was nothing. I wore my poker face once again, and just kept joking on it.

* * *

Later that day, I asked the permission of my friend to read his and her best friend's text conversation. I learned that the girl I admire remembered me. We first met each other before our first year in college started. That was almost 4 years ago, and she still remembered me. That was enough I guess. =)

* * *

Sorry for this non-sense post if you ever stopped by and read. My heart's just really ruined.

BUT THIS FEELING IS WORTH REMEMBERING.

I didn't know that it still existed in me.

Thanks for stopping by. =D