Snickers, Ninja-Moves, and Epic Failures!

Lonely? Grab a Snickers!
yey! :3

The other night, I bought this bar of snickers. I wasn't able to eat it that night 'coz I totally forgot that I bought it. And it was getting late when I arrived home.

The next day, I was off to school to attend to a certain commitment involving my scholarship. The only hassle is that the meeting would start by 4 pm and I've arrived too early. It was 12 noon so I've got 4 hours to kill.

There is this school fair coming  and our organization is preparing a booth for it. Every orgs in the school does every year to show the prospect students what it's like to be in the course. Well, I wasn't really that helpful. I can help, but I'm not sure what I'll do. And there are a bit too many hands in there already. So I'd just be blocking their way if I linger there around.

So, I've decided to take some lunch with some friends, and played Dota while waiting. Enjoyed the games and had really good time, though deep inside, there was something missing.

* * *

When it's almost time, I decided to pass by the booth. They were really enjoying things down there. And one of our profs was there, and it seems that he's enjoying watching the others prepare the booth. After a while of chit-chat, I decided to look for where the meeting is gonna take place.

On my way, I noticed a girl, sitting on some low, concrete-walls that's guarding the soil of a tree. She's there and it seems that she's picking-up someone, a kid, maybe a sibling or a close-relative, 'coz she's holding a lunch box of a toddler. I didn't know if she was there the first time I passed.

It was just a quick glance and realized that it was her! The one I admire, the one who said 'hi' and left me stunned. The girl I don't have the courage to face. I suddenly panicked, didn't know what to do. Didn't know if she noticed, or saw me or whatever. I wanted to say 'hi' but I can't. I simply lack the courage to do so.

So I walked as if I didn't notice her, and kept myself calm. I went to the hall where the meeting takes place and cursed myself for not having the guts to say 'hi'.

* * *

A similar thing happened a few days before that. I was on my way to the lobby when I realized that she's coming from the opposite direction to where I was going. Again, I panicked and did some stupid ninja-moves. I decided to go around a different path and just ignored her. I didn't know if she noticed or even saw me. But if she did, I totally screwed up that day.

* * *

So after the meeting, expecting that she'll not be there, I decided to go check the booth again. But hey, she's still there! And fuck stupid me, I really wanted to say 'hi'. Just a simple 'hi' will do, no more stupid follow-up conversations. But  fuck stupid me, I just really can't.

I don't know if those were opportunities God gave me, but really, I just can't get a hold of myself whenever she's near. I'm not strong enough, I'm too weak!

* * *

A shot before the event.
I was expecting more participant would be there,
but I guess, it was just too early.

So, I came to school earlier than expected. I was hoping that the hall would already be crowded at the time that I arrived. Well, lucky me. I was assigned to the technical team, in-charged of some technical stuffs for the program. But truth is, we're just really back-ups.

I wasn't able to do anything at all during the whole day. All  I did was pass by the booth, stay in one place then another, and watch others do their job. I was totally lost the whole day. Absent-minded because of what happened earlier that day.

* * *

Earlier that day, I was sitting on some bleachers together with some familiar faces. And I assumed that they were also assigned to the technical team, and I was right. Then she came, her bestfriend. the one I've been chatting to once in a while.

I promised her the night before that I'd give her my flash drive containing some of the movies she'd requested a long time ago. But I just can't give it to her. One of her classmate was there, and they were chatting. It's awkward for me 'coz I don't have the confidence to talk to her in person, while it seems that I'm pretty close to her during our messages online.

That's really awkward. I admit it, I was too shy to even say a proper 'hi' to her. So lame. :'(

* * *

Plus, there were a few times I've almost bumped into Ms. M during the fair, But all I did was do some stupid nninja-moves and ignore her. 

From now on, I'll call her Ms. M and her bestfriend, the one I've been chatting to would be Ms. A.

Stupid me!

Ms. A and Ms. M
I tried painting them, but it's an epic fail! >.<

Stupidity strikes again!

That's so stupid! I don't wanna look at it!

Today's a day of mixed emotions. It all started in a good way.

I woke-up early just in time to arrive....

Oh f*ck, I'm in no mood to write how my day went.

To make things short, I bought my first smartphone today, a Cherry Mobile Flare, with an awesome specs, for a very cheap price. Waited in line for almost 4 hours, but spending 4,000 pesos for such phone is worth it, in my humble opinion.

We went back to school after buying, found out that we don't have class, and stayed a while in the food court. Then she came, and I guess didn't really care to notice me. It felt pretty awkward knowing that we usually send messages to one another. It made me sad, but I was able to endure it.

And now, I tried and post a sweet pick-up line, without any intention of giving meaning to it. Then her post came, and it seemed like someone else was making a move on her. Now that was really really f*ckin' awkward.

But why should I react, I didn't mean anything to her, right? It's just really painful, knowing that I kept secrets from her, risky secrets that I didn't even get the chance to share it to her. It's risky in a way that it might change things, for better or for worse.

Next time, I'll try to be more honest and sincere. Next time, I'll try to get a girl using honesty and sincerity, not by cheezy pick-up lines.

I FEEL REALLY F*CKIN' STUPID, MEN! I'M SO STUPID I WANNA DIEEEEEEEE!

End of the line!

Everything comes to an end.

I realized last night what that line truly means. "There is more to life than love.". I guess, I should stop pretending to be a lover boy, and stop catching the attention of the girl I like. Like what her message said last night, "God has a better plan".

So that's it I guess, it's the end of the line. I won't pursue her. I'll stop pretending to be something I'm not. But I'm happy that we're acquainted with each other. That at least, she, or maybe both them, knows I exists in this fuckin' world.


So now, maybe I'll forget about that love stuff, and try to divert my attention to something that is needed for the moment. There's a ton of deadlines ahead of me.

* * *

A little while ago, while chatting again with her bestfriend, I confirmed that she's somewhat broken. But there's nothing I can do. I'm not her friend. So maybe, I'll just pray for her. I believe that she's a strong girl. That's why maybe I was attracted to her. A total opposite of me.

* * *

God has a better plan, so I won't rush into things. But I'll try to be a better gentleman to those around me. Maybe one day...

Thanks for passing by! Have a great day! =D

November, Moving On, and Focus!

I'm as good as dead, I guess. -_-

So it's November, a few more days and it'll be Christmas already. Well, a lot of things had happened during the past months. Experienced different things for the first time, and there are several things that brought back the feelings I've decided to forget.

But I guess, you can say that the pain is worth remembering. It brought me back to life. Pain is a sign of being alive. I just have to endure it to survive.

* * *

Thanks to her, yes, you!

Yes, she's the one. The one I've been chatting to for some time. I dunno what happened. Yes I was wrong. I hoped that something would developed between me and her bestfriend. I know it's a foolish thing. I didn't expect it to happen either. But she was there, during the process. We just had some messages, friendly ones. Nothing serious actually. I just went with the flow, and suddenly, I felt no pain at all. I guess, it's all thanks to her. Having someone to talk to is all I need anyway.

* * *

Now that our semestral break is almost over, I need to be back on focus. I've got lots of things to do. And our thesis is on top of the list. But anyways, those are school matters, and I'll have to deal with it one way or another.

Well, I'll miss the times those times when I was chatting with her through Facebook. I guess, something like this won't happen again. But anyways, I'll see them in school, both of them, but I don't know what to do. I may not be able to do something also. Hahahaha. Maybe I'll just go on with the flow and let's see what's gonna happen to us.

* * *

This morning, I've seen a post. It's about 'pre-emptive supalpal'. In other words, being on the 'friend zone'. So I went to the source. It's from a series of videos from youtube. The series is entitled 'Tales from the Friend Zone'. It features letters of love-turned-friendship sent to him. Those six episodes as of now was really funny, but has some good points. I learned a few things in this. And his usual ending quote says, "There is more to life than love.".

But yeah, I guess, I really fell for it. I was dropped dead in that zone, 'friend zone'. So maybe I should lower my expectations on things. Hahahaha.

* * *

WALL-E and EVE. A strange but cute couple. =D
Just found the image here. Credit goes to the owner.

Aside from the occasional chats and messages, I've been watching a lot of movies during the break. Don't ask me where I got those. Hahaha.

Anyway, one of my favorites would be WALL-E. There are very few lines in this movie, and yet, the story was really good.There's this lesson, about taking care of the environment, and there is this love story, I suppose, of WALL-E and EVE. They're my new favorite couple. Hahahaha =D

* * *

So I guess that's it. November, please be gentle on me. But I'll also be looking forward for some surprises, so surprise me too. Give it your best shot.

And to you, thanks for passing by! God bless! =D

Chat, Love, Hope, and Friendship!

She's not online today. Why do I miss her?! XD

It's been a while since we've started chatting. I wasn't really expecting it to turn-out this way. But I guess, it can't be helped, especially for someone like me who's totally broken and hopeless. She just came, and saved me from the pain. Then I started missing her, without a definite reason whenever I don't see a green dot before her name, indicating that she's offline.

That's right, she gave me new heart, a new hope,
and I'd dedicate it to her
if she'll give me a chance. XD

* * *

It all started one night, October 17, after that hell-of-a-defense we had with a new set of show off panels. We really had a bad time that night. I came out of the room really hot headed, totally pissed-off. We went down the stairs and there she was, reviewing alone. I didn't mind. She's not with her, and she's kinda busy, and fact is, we're just acquainted to each other because of her. We're not even close.

Then she noticed us. Greeted me and my friend, who's also a friend to her. I was pissed-off so I didn't freaked out in that situation. Maybe if I was in my usual disposition, my face would either be full of blood, or it would seem that I was sucked dry by a vampire. Hahaha. I just managed to smile and gave her a little wave. She then jokingly said that she'd call her bestfriend out for us, or probably me. She actually a bit naughty. I wasn't so sure what I did and happened at that time. Her bestfriend didn't bother to come out, and just said 'hi' again. I just smiled again after she said that.

I was really pissed off that I didn't have time to be responsive. I didn't even bother greeting her properly. I went home cooled my head down and realized my mistakes. The thing is, I didn't even have enough courage to chat her. I didn't know what to say. Who am I to her anyway?!?!  I was finally able to message her after a while. Not minding if she'd reply or not.

It all started that night. =D

Her reply came the next day. Her reply says that it was just fine, she knew that I was really a shy person. My heart jumped after reading this. I didn't know what to say. She also asked about how our defense went. So I replied that day, she replied the next day, and I replied that day, October 19.

Her reply came last October 22, and I was online. I was totally surprised. I didn't even expect that she'd reply to my last message. I totally freaked out. I didn't know what to do. The day before, I asked my friend on how to  communicate properly with others, about how would I make a simple conversation. I didn't asked this for her, truth is I was planning to 'use' it with somebody else. I'm pretty lame at conversations especially with a girl.

So I decided to go with the flow. Continued chatting with her awkwardly. As our conversation went on, she started teasing me with what happened. The video, that moment when I was dumbstrucked when her bestfriend said 'Hi!', and may others. I played along with that topic. Jokingly said that I was broken, even though that's the truth, even had a little drama.

That was very memorable. It started so suddenly that it made me awkward, but eventually, I felt a little close to her, even though I don't know that much about her. I don't even know if she's single and available. =P

So I continued chatting with her occasionally as the days pass by. Topics from movies and such things. Then one night, I noticed something different about her. Her messages suddenly seemed melancholic. I tried to look into things, asked her if there's something bothering her. She said that there's none but it really felt that there's something. Maybe I was just imagining things. I was ready to drop the thought then suddenly, she admitted, that she's a drama queen. So there really is something bothering her. It seemed that she was just reluctant to share things, or there really is nothing.

I tried to persuade her a bit, but I am really not good in persuading people. I'm not really that convincing. And I thought that I was feeling 'too close' to her even though we're just recently acquainted. I don't know what her thoughts are. I don't know if it was fine for her. I didn't know what her impression on me is. I didn't know if she'd like me to be even just a friend. I didn't know if I'd be given a chance to be something more, or at least something to her.

But one thing is for sure, she rescued me and gave me a new heart, a new hope. She helped me through when I was in the pain. I'll definitely be in-debt to her. And hopefully, I'd be able to repay her. I definitely want to repay her.

Even though at times, our conversation is very dull because of me, I'm still thankful for those messages. I didn't even expect that I'd be getting over her bestfriend immediately. I won't be hoping that she'll feel the same for me. I'm still not in love with her, but I think that I will eventually. I don't know if she'll fell the same way eventually. I guess, all I can do is cherish this thing, this connection we have. Whichever direction it takes, love or friendship, I'll definitely be thankful that I met her and I definitely won't forget her.

* * *

If ever you're reading this,

ayan na. 

oo madrama din ako.

oo nasira din ako sa nangyari.

nabasag na ng tuluyan ang sira kong puso.

pero buti na lang anjan ka.
buti na lang dumating ka at naging magka-chat tayo.

binigyan mo ko ng bagong puso eh.

binigyan mo ko ng bagong pag-asa.

pano? di ko din alam.

basta, bigla na lang nawala ang sakit eh.

kaya maraming salamat.

nakakatuwa ka kasi eh.

ansaya mo kasing kachat at makulet pa.

sana maging ganito lang din 'pag nagkita tayo.

sa tingin ko masaya ka din kasama at kausap.

sana magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na kausapin ka 'pag nagkita tayo.

pero ako pa? sa hina ng loob ko.

boring akong kausap.

laging tahimik at walang imik.

pagpasensyahan mo na at tanga lang talaga ako.

napakahina lang talaga ng loob ko.

para lang talaga akong bata.

torpe pa.

ikaw na ang bahala kung ano ang gusto mong gawin.

iwasan mo na ako kung gusto mo.

kamuhian mo na ako dahil sa mga nabasa mo.

pero 'wag naman sana.

kasi mamimiss kita, sigurado ako dun.

lalo 'yang kakulitan at kadramahan mo.

mamimiss ko 'yun.

pero wala akong magagawa.

di ko alam ang magiging desisyon mo.

di ko alam kung anong magiging pasya mo.

di kita pipilitin.

ikaw na ang bahala.

sanay na naman akong mabigo.

pero hindi ko na sisirain itong ibinigay mo.

hahaha, napahaba na ng tuluyan itong mensahe ko.

pero siguro ayan na lahat ang gusto kong sabihin sayo.

pero baka may nakalimutan ako, sabihin mo lang.

ay meron pa pala.

isang malaking THANK YOU!

isa pang bagay.
last na 'tong dramang ito.
hahahah.

Hope you'll be able to read this. =D

* * *

That was what my heart wants to tell her. She's offline and I suddenly missed her. I don't know if she's even thinking of me. I don't know if I'm the only guy who she's chatting with. I didn't know if she'll even think of me this way. But for now, I really miss her. Even though I've got nothing to say to her.

But I'll always be thankful. I'll always pray for her safety. I'll always ask God to give her the best.

* * *

Well, that's it I guess. Wish me luck. I'll show this post to her one of these days.

 Thanks for passing by! =D

Travel, Places, and Food!

If ever I won the lottery, I'll definitely travel across the globe. And I'll absolutely start in the Philippines. And yes, I'll definitely bring someone, or maybe a group of friends. It would be really fun to go to such places together with such people.

* * *

I'll start from the northern tip of the Philippines, Batanes. These small islands holds a very beautiful paradise. The scenery, based from the pictures, videos, and descriptions I've seen, read and heard, is pretty awesome. Plus the local heritage, those stone houses, is one of a kind. 

Stone Houses, I'd love to see these with my own eyes. =D

Also, I've read here that there's a ton of seafood in this paradise. I'm simply a food lover, and I'd really love to try a huge lobster.

I'm craving for these! :'3

* * *

Next, I'll go a little south of Batanes, but still in the northern part of the Philippines, Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur. Ilocos Norte, just like Batanes, holds several hidden paradise. White sand beaches. Crystal clear waters. Peaceful shores. Definitely a paradise in the north.

A magnificent view.
Hidden somewhere in Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte. =D

Going down to Ilocos Sur, I surely won't miss to visit the Hispanic town of Vigan. The place is pretty amazing since it's one of the few Hispanic towns left in the Philippines. I'd surely take photos and buy a lot of souvenirs. But first, I must buy a quality camera that I'll use to take pictures of the wonderful place.

The Hispanic town of Vigan.
I'll definitely go around riding a kalesa. =D

* * *

I'll also love to stop by other places in the north like Sagada, Benget and Banaue. So many places that I don't have much time to look for wonderful photos to add to this post.

* * *

After traveling across the northern part of the country, I'll go island hopping. First, I'll visit the Queen City of the South, Cebu City. Visit the famous Magellan's Cross.

A tourist trap they say, but I don't mind. =D

The food here is also amazing, that's what they say. I would really love to try it personally. There's this zubochon's lechon dubbed to be "the best pig in the world", by non other than Anthony Bourdain, a well-known American chef. Food trippin' would always be in my list if I'll be travelling to different places. I'd really love to try local delicacies. =D

I'd really love to taste this. Maybe I'd be selfish for a while if it's infront of me. =D

* * *

Next island would be Palawan. The beaches, again from what I've heard and seen from others, are really amazing. Simply world class. Coron, El Nido, and Puerto  Princesa,   Palawan would be on top of my list here.

Coron Palawan. Pretty good view. I'll take a picture there someday. =D

White sand beaches of El Nido. I wanna see it with my own eyes! O.O 

Puerto Princesa Subterranean River National Park. Would be quite an adventure.

* * *

Next island would be way down south, Siargao Island in Surigao del Norte. 

Definitely one good adventure!

Siargao Island was named as the Surfing Capital of the Philippines. I'm not sure if that's up to date, but the place definitely has good and strong waves, based from what I've read. I would really love to try surfing, but there would be a small problem. It's no that big. I JUST REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM! I CAN'T SWIM, AND I ALMOST DROWNED MYSELF ON A 6 FEET DEEP POOL! THAT'S VERY LAME! HAHAHA =D

This surely is extreme! I'll definitely drown.
But still, I want to do this in the near future! =D

* * *

There are a lot of places that I wanted to visit. A lot more, like Camarines Sur, Surigao, Davao, and many more here in the Philippines. But I guess, those listed here would be my top priority if ever I won the lottery! I'll definitely do many thing. A lot of adventurous stuffs!

However, this would be really far from my reality. I'm not that wealthy to do all these. That's why I'd be hoping that a miracle would happen. Hahaha. But I guess, I don't deserve such thing.

So I'll be working hard, save money, and have fun with at least someone and go to at least a place in my list. Hahaha. That would be close to possible I guess. Hahaha =D

* * *

Oh, by the way, those pictures are not mine.

Credit goes to the owner. 

I just found those across the net. 

Thanks to them. =D

* * *

These are the places from the Philippines. Next would be from around the world, if ever I'll have time. Hehe. Thanks for passing by. =D

Loneliness, Pain, and Sorrow!

What happens if it falls? :(
Made by me, using Blender 3D

There's something I want to remove within me. Deep inside my heart, it burns. It melts everything from the inside. I feel really weak, unmotivated. My mind is full of resentments, and frustrations, I feel pain and anguish. I'm really tormented by this feeling.

How I wish I could easily shatter these feelings within me. I don't usually write things, especially about how I feel. But at the moment, I've got no choice but to pour all the loneliness, the frustration, the sorrow, the pain I feel in this post. It is the only outlet I see that's worth it. What I think is that no one would believe me, no one would care how hurt I am, not even my parents, my friends. All they see is a mask, a poker-face. I don't know if someone has already seen through the mask. I don't know if someone would care to see what's beyond it. I don't even know if someone would reach out and lend a hand.

Maybe there's a few. Maybe there are those who tried and got tired. Maybe it's me who wants to stay this way. Maybe it's me who's afraid that the hand that reached out would let go once I've decided to hold it. I am such a coward. Afraid of trusting others. Unsure of my very own existence.

Am I really worth something to someone?

* * *

Feeling that you're special or even just something to someone makes you feel happy, right? I've seen couples that way. They're not just ordinary couples, they're bestfriends! Nothing else would be lovelier if your partner would be more than the bestfriend you have. You share moments of happiness and sorrow. You share laughter and tears. Every moment of your precious life becomes more precious when you're together.

True, right?
Food tastes better if you eat with someone.

* * *

I feel this way because I've got no chance, not even the slightest, to be with be at least friends with the girl I adore. Or maybe, I feel this way because I had the chance before and I let it slip. Is there any reason to be sad? Aside from going to the same campus, we don't share anything similar. Maybe all she knew about me was my name, not even my full name. Maybe I'm just someone, a stranger to her.

So why do I feel this way? Is it because I already loved her? Is it because my feelings were developed ever since my friend got the "happy birthday" video from he? Is it because a small hope has lit up when she and her boyfriend broke up? Is it because after a few weeks, or maybe even days, they reconciled with each other?

I am so immature. Back then, I didn't know what to do, but until now, 4 years after, I still don't know what the hell should I do to do. I'm hopeless. I guess that I would really never experience love in this part of my life.

* * *

I am now doubting if this feeling is worth remembering. I dunno, it hurts so bad that I wanted to cry out loud. What would probably happen if, once again, I try to forget what love is? Will I be able to stand firm? Will it make me stronger? Will it make me happier? Or will I just shatter like what would probably happen to the wine glass?

* * *

Sorry for being so melancholic about small things like this. I just really don't know what to do with all these pain and anguish I feel. Well, thanks for passing by!

Sembreak, Defense, Revisions, and Relationship!

I've been longing for this time to come. Our first semester of hell school is finally over. But it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

* * *

We almost went through hell on the last two weeks of this semester, especially for my part. Our group was the only one who got the grade "Conditional Pass" on our thesis proposal defense. That's almost equal to "Re-defense" or "Change Topic". I admit that I'm not good in writing documentation for such thing, but I've got no one to depend on. Anyway, I don't really care about that. 

* * *

After having the failed oral presentation of our thesis proposal, we had another one, for another subject. The subject was "Advance Database", and our final project was to create a database management system (DBMS) similar to phpMyAdmin. If you've got no idea what it is, and you don't want another headache, better don't check this [link].

We named ours catSQL. XD

Our system's logo.
Created by our very artistic group mate Boom!

Making the system is really tiresome. Our very odd good professor always tells us that we should prioritize the thesis, but his actions and tasks says another thing. He's really weird! XD 

* * *

So during the defense, we had our two professors as panel. It was like more of a class reporting, not a project defense. The atmosphere was not that tense, compared to our first thesis proposal.

That was me, the one in blue. Too bad, I didn't get a chance to have a solo pic. XD

After our project defense, everyone seemed happy that everything is finally over. But they were the only one who can say that. Our group still has another defense. We need to present a new concept.

* * *

Our thesis adviser came up with a new game concept. From a physics-based game, we now have an environmental game. It was about waste segregation.

So we made a proposal based on a game development document (GDD), and we asked our artistic friend Boom! for some game designs to be used for our presentation.

Sample Designs.
Made by Boom!, thanks to her. =D

* * *

Again, the atmosphere was tense. We crammed making the power-point-presentation for our new game concept. Then, an unexpected thing happened. Our panel line-up was changed. It was terrible. The new panel expected things. His expectations are way too different from our former panel. And by the way, he's our professor in advance database. Dafuq! 

Our game concept was turned down. He wanted different things. He wanted these, he wanted that. Though he's not a game developer, he assumes what he thinks and says is right.

Our list of revisions. There's a lot more for the documentation!

Anyway, I don't give a damn. I'll give what he wants. I've got no other choice. But it's really frustrating!

* * *

I guess if you're a graduating student, there won't be any semestral break for you. Too bad, I'll miss this. =(

The bloody-red documentation of our thesis.
I see a lot of revisions! >_<

I've really got lots of things to do. I guess, two vacant weeks are not enough to finish this. 

* * *

I also wanted to improve my so called "relationship" with her. I'll try and take a step forward. The problem is that, she's already in a relationship. I always get sad whenever I remember that fact. This thing would be impossible, it will never happen. I WANT TO SHOUT MY HEART OUT! WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

T_T
I don't know if it is right to have faith in this line I've made up
I want to cry out loud for this!

* * *

All these failures suck! Everything was my mistake. Forgive me for thinking that way. Thanks for passing by! =D

Epic Fail!

It was a week full of shit! First, I was hurt by the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about my heart. IT'S TOTALLY IN RUINS!

T_T

* * *

Our thesis proposal was disapproved. We need to change the whole concept of our game. Another oral presentation was scheduled for our new concept.

ERRRR!

The fact that a member of our group wasn't contributing really sucks. I can't think straight anymore.

* * *

I needed some game artists, and no one is available in our group of three. Plus, one of our members really suck, and the other one has other priorities in his life. I guess, I was the only one who really wanted this so I've got no choice.

* * *

It was her birthday. I wanted to greet her but I didn't know what to say. I was too embarrassed about the things that just happened recently.

Then, I learned that yesterday was her birthday. I didn't know what to do now. THAT REALLY SUCKS! EPIC!

* * *

Though the week sucks, I'm still thankful I survived it. Thankful that I didn't even broke down with all that. I just really need the right outlet for these emotions kept inside me.

* * *

Oh, and I managed to greet her belated already. After sending a message, I quickly closed the tab of my Facebook and I don't have any plans on opening it. 

* * *

I'm kinda disoriented right now. Deprived of sleep, heart broken, embarrassed 'til the depths of my soul. I guess, I'll need a drink. EPIC FAIL!

=(

Stunned, Wrecked and Ruined!

After my friend got the video for my birthday, I lost all of my confidence to face the girl I admire. I also learned that she already has a boyfriend and that they've been in a relationship for two years. That really destroyed every small rays of hope I had.

I thought that with the video, I would have a chance, an opportunity to try and be a friend her, but knowing the situation, I lost my cool. I always try to avoid going to the places where she is to avoid meeting her, and to avoid being teased by my friends. Since then, I started avoiding her like hell.

* * *

Later on, maybe a few weeks after that happened, my friend, the one who got the video, learned from a very reliable source, the girl's best friend, that the couple broke up. The reason was very simple, her priority was her study. He was doubting that reason for an unknown reason. He said that it was unreasonable because from what we've learned, they've been in a relationship for two years.

I kept wearing poker face to avoid being teased. XD

I kept my poker face. Deep inside, a small ray of hope had shined. But it was obstructed by the fact that I don't have yet the courage to approach, or even say "hi" to her.

* * *

And that fucking moment came. It started in the library. Our group was doing our thing, projects as usual. Then their group came in and did their own thing as well. My friend was too busy so I pretended that I didn't notice and continued doing my job. Then a few minutes later, I noticed that they've already spotted us. Her friend kept smiling at our direction, and she had looked a few times already. How did I notice, I've got a third eye for such thing. XD

Anyway, since I can't focus on the thing I've been doing, I told my friend the situation. He can't stop himself from laughing. My friend and her best friend kept smiling at each other knowing our current situation. So I wasn't able to continue my job.

They've left the library. I thought that everything was over. Until...

* * *

Our group decided to take a break. We went down to go to the canteen. While descending the stairs, my mind was nowhere to be found. I wasn't there at that moment. I'm not sure what I was thinking back then. After a turn in the stairs, they were there. It was a coincidence that they were also going to the canteen.

They've noticed us. Her best friend nudged her. And without warning, she waved and said "hi!'.

She really said "hi" that time. XD

After she waved and said "hi!", I was stunned, dumbstruck by the situation. I didn't know what to respond. I looked at her blankly for a few seconds. I didn't even responded to her. Then they continued walking to the canteen where we are also headed.

Dumbstruck, didn't know what to say after that "hi!'. =(
This image is not mine, just got it over the net.

After those fucking situations, I felt like blood already left my head. I went straight to the fountain and drank water just after arriving at the canteen. Went and sat down, didn't eat, didn't speak. For some moments, my friends thought that I wasn't feeling well. It is true that I became very pale after going through all that. A very immature response for that situation.

* * *

I felt very sorry for myself, very ashamed for what I've done. At least I should have responded to her greetings. That was very not cool.

I continued feeling the same the whole week.

* * *

Later that week, my friend had a news for me. He learned that she's back with her boyfriend for a few weeks already. Good thing, he told me that through text. Nobody had a chance to see how shocked I am, how wrecked I am when that little ray of hope was removed from me.

I there's anything left, I'm sure it's already broken.

After that, I kept my cool, told those who knew that it was nothing. I wore my poker face once again, and just kept joking on it.

* * *

Later that day, I asked the permission of my friend to read his and her best friend's text conversation. I learned that the girl I admire remembered me. We first met each other before our first year in college started. That was almost 4 years ago, and she still remembered me. That was enough I guess. =)

* * *

Sorry for this non-sense post if you ever stopped by and read. My heart's just really ruined.

BUT THIS FEELING IS WORTH REMEMBERING.

I didn't know that it still existed in me.

Thanks for stopping by. =D

Unforgettable

It's been a while since my last post. I've been busy lately, forgetting things like this. So before September ends, I'd like to share my valuable experience this month.

The other day, we had our retreat. It was our last retreat because we are part of the graduating batch. We had the it at Capuchin Retreat Center in Lipa City, Batangas.

A shot made by my friend Boom.
I just got it from her tumblr account, didn't even asked permission.
Maybe I'll tell her one day. =D

* * *

We arrived at around 9 am and found that the place was really good. It was like a resort from the outside. All you'll need is a seashore or a large pool to be convinced. We were accommodated to a hall and noticed that other schools were already here having their retreat. We were oriented about the house rules by a Capuchin Brother. He's a Norwegian, our retreat master told us. Then we had our first activity. Didn't really remembered it. Maybe I wasn't really paying much attention to it.

* * *

Then lunch came and the food was awesome. I'm not picky when it comes to food but I can say that they've got a high standard. I really liked the crab and corn soup we had at lunch. I hope that they'll serve lobsters the next time we'll be there.

Aside from the amazing food, there are several young beautiful ladies, students from another school who's having their retreat at the same time, in the canteen. Honestly, I admired some of them, and they were all English speaking gals. Later the next day, I learned that they were all high school students. I was speechless after knowing that. XD

* * *

We made masks that would be used later that day and other spiritual activities prepared by the Capuchin Brothers.

* * *

And night came. We had our last activity that day. It was a group sharing, about the mask we made earlier that day. Luckily, the grouping was by-section. So our class had a chance for ourselves.

Our retreat master gave us instruction on how the flow of the sharing would be. But I think that we followed our own. Somebody sitting in the middle, others giving concerns about that someone, then the things they liked about him or her, and after that, he/she is given a chance to open a part of his/her life to the others.

When my turn came, I opened myself. I wasn't expecting most of the things they said about me. Some parts were really funny. Most concerns was really my mistake and I'm still trying my best to fix those. After listening to their concerns and the things they liked, It's my turn to speak.

I shared my life, but not most of it. They still don't know some part of me but I don't think that it mattered to them. They accepted me even I'm the worst, immature bastard anyway. I started with what life gave me since I was little. I shared all-of-my-one-sided-love-stories. Yeah, those were awfully uninteresting compared to the secrets I've learned from them.

I already got a bit of a hunch about some things they've said, but when it came from them, it seemed like a different level. I was honestly shocked. My jaw almost dropped. All I can do is put my hands down and listen to them.

* * *

And after that wonderful sharing, we had our sleep. Waked up early, prepared ourselves, had breakfast, then the photo shoot. We went out and made some unforgettable memories.

* * *

After that, we had our last activity, had a mass to celebrate the retreat. Then lunch again. =D

We went home afterwards.

* * *

During the sharing, I've forgotten to tell them how thankful I am. For the surprise they've given me during my birthday. For being a friend to someone like me. I'm very thankful to them.

So if ever you're reading this. Thank you. 

* * *

Though I can't remember some of the activities, maybe because I was too sleepy to stay focused, the experience was still awesome. I really enjoyed that day, though I regret forgetting import things.

* * *

A failed panorama. XD
Wished that they just used a DSLR =P

* * *

It's really fun to be with these guys. =D

Business monkeys!

Truly describes the situation. "Two giants are crushing
each other in the wide and vast universe
of the mobile industry".

This morning, while browsing my fb account, a friend suddenly tagged me in a post. His has something to do with the topic of Apple winning over Samsung. This was the first time I've heard of it. It caught my attention so I searched the net and read articles about this case. Just search the web, type-in "Apple vs. Samsung", and there will be tons of links and articles available for you.

* * *

While skimming articles and posts that are related to the topic, I came across this article. An article about the biography of Steve Jobs.

That was really bold. After hearing the outcome of the patent case, I thought of it as business. But after reading his statement according to the article, it sounded more of a personal thing, a personal grudge.

I don't know the real story, but it seemed that there was really a dark history or something. I dunno, I'm not an expert.

I haven't read the book yet because honestly, I was not interested of knowing him more. But with all this issues and patent wars, I'd like to see what he's like. The man behind Apple's success.

* * *

Just found it over the web. =D

Truly, the mobile industry has gone far, more than what someone, or maybe someone like me, have ever imagined. With those development in smartphones, I could not keep up.

In a business perspective, the mobile industry of today is a fierce and deadly battlefield. One wrong move and your dead. Business-minded persons are warriors, wanting to destroy and crush their opponents in every possible way. If one is not careful, another would take advantage of it and make him suffer. That's how I would describe the war between two of the largest stakeholders of the mobile industry, Apple's iOS, and Google's Android.

For someone like me, an aspiring small-time developer, this battlefield is more of a school ground, a place where one can learn. Android and iOS would be different schools, groups, intitutes, societies, or whatever you'd like to call it. Android, one who shares information even for those who can't pay, and iOS, one who only shares limited information only to those who can pay. That's how I view these two different platforms. They both provide information but one is limited only to those who can afford. All I wanted is to go and try both, starting with Android, 'coz basically it's open and more affordable for starters.

* * *

I dunno if my point of view is correct, or even acceptable. I only see thing from below that's why I can't see the big picture of it. I don't have the bird's eye perspective like the businessmen involved in running the whole damn show. 

I still haven't experienced doing business and such, that's why I can't accurately assume what's on their minds. But isn't it that some of these damn monkeys businessmen started as small developers, just like Steve Jobs. I've heard that he'd dropped out of college, did what he wanted to, learn things he wanted to. I admired him for his innovations the past years. But those development stopped after the release of different smartphones, similar to their famous iPhone. They've only made upgrades, and not innovations.

* * *

So I just can't get the point of suing each other. Is it for the money they'll gain? Or maybe they wanted to monopolize the mobile industry? I dunno, the point is why don't they just do their best at winning the war? Not relying on underhanded tactics like copyright infringements, or suing others to slow them down. Why don't they just do their best, make some innovations.

So what if they've copied your ideas, it only proves you're better if you're worth copying. If they've made profits using your ideas plus their affordable prices, offer something worth the price you're giving. Offer something that they can't afford to. Go to the next level. Never get tired of raising the level of competition. That would really benefit the community. As they raise the level of competition, it also improves the technology used by everyone. 

If the competition was somewhat like this, sooner or later, things would really be far from imagination, far more better than those in Sci-fi films. So I can't understand why are they stopping the progress made in the mobile industry. Seriously, what's their problem. For a simple rectangle shaped device. Honestly, this sucks.

* * *

A cute photo I found over the net. =D

I guess there's no helping it. They're damn business monkeys men. Everything's business to them. If it's bad business they won't do it. And maybe they see this progress as bad business so they wanted to stop it. They wanted to personally set-up the pace in this industry. And that's where they'll fail.

Sorry for these nonsense. Thanks for stopping by. =D