Loneliness, Pain, and Sorrow!

What happens if it falls? :(
Made by me, using Blender 3D

There's something I want to remove within me. Deep inside my heart, it burns. It melts everything from the inside. I feel really weak, unmotivated. My mind is full of resentments, and frustrations, I feel pain and anguish. I'm really tormented by this feeling.

How I wish I could easily shatter these feelings within me. I don't usually write things, especially about how I feel. But at the moment, I've got no choice but to pour all the loneliness, the frustration, the sorrow, the pain I feel in this post. It is the only outlet I see that's worth it. What I think is that no one would believe me, no one would care how hurt I am, not even my parents, my friends. All they see is a mask, a poker-face. I don't know if someone has already seen through the mask. I don't know if someone would care to see what's beyond it. I don't even know if someone would reach out and lend a hand.

Maybe there's a few. Maybe there are those who tried and got tired. Maybe it's me who wants to stay this way. Maybe it's me who's afraid that the hand that reached out would let go once I've decided to hold it. I am such a coward. Afraid of trusting others. Unsure of my very own existence.

Am I really worth something to someone?

* * *

Feeling that you're special or even just something to someone makes you feel happy, right? I've seen couples that way. They're not just ordinary couples, they're bestfriends! Nothing else would be lovelier if your partner would be more than the bestfriend you have. You share moments of happiness and sorrow. You share laughter and tears. Every moment of your precious life becomes more precious when you're together.

True, right?
Food tastes better if you eat with someone.

* * *

I feel this way because I've got no chance, not even the slightest, to be with be at least friends with the girl I adore. Or maybe, I feel this way because I had the chance before and I let it slip. Is there any reason to be sad? Aside from going to the same campus, we don't share anything similar. Maybe all she knew about me was my name, not even my full name. Maybe I'm just someone, a stranger to her.

So why do I feel this way? Is it because I already loved her? Is it because my feelings were developed ever since my friend got the "happy birthday" video from he? Is it because a small hope has lit up when she and her boyfriend broke up? Is it because after a few weeks, or maybe even days, they reconciled with each other?

I am so immature. Back then, I didn't know what to do, but until now, 4 years after, I still don't know what the hell should I do to do. I'm hopeless. I guess that I would really never experience love in this part of my life.

* * *

I am now doubting if this feeling is worth remembering. I dunno, it hurts so bad that I wanted to cry out loud. What would probably happen if, once again, I try to forget what love is? Will I be able to stand firm? Will it make me stronger? Will it make me happier? Or will I just shatter like what would probably happen to the wine glass?

* * *

Sorry for being so melancholic about small things like this. I just really don't know what to do with all these pain and anguish I feel. Well, thanks for passing by!