Chat, Love, Hope, and Friendship!

She's not online today. Why do I miss her?! XD

It's been a while since we've started chatting. I wasn't really expecting it to turn-out this way. But I guess, it can't be helped, especially for someone like me who's totally broken and hopeless. She just came, and saved me from the pain. Then I started missing her, without a definite reason whenever I don't see a green dot before her name, indicating that she's offline.

That's right, she gave me new heart, a new hope,
and I'd dedicate it to her
if she'll give me a chance. XD

* * *

It all started one night, October 17, after that hell-of-a-defense we had with a new set of show off panels. We really had a bad time that night. I came out of the room really hot headed, totally pissed-off. We went down the stairs and there she was, reviewing alone. I didn't mind. She's not with her, and she's kinda busy, and fact is, we're just acquainted to each other because of her. We're not even close.

Then she noticed us. Greeted me and my friend, who's also a friend to her. I was pissed-off so I didn't freaked out in that situation. Maybe if I was in my usual disposition, my face would either be full of blood, or it would seem that I was sucked dry by a vampire. Hahaha. I just managed to smile and gave her a little wave. She then jokingly said that she'd call her bestfriend out for us, or probably me. She actually a bit naughty. I wasn't so sure what I did and happened at that time. Her bestfriend didn't bother to come out, and just said 'hi' again. I just smiled again after she said that.

I was really pissed off that I didn't have time to be responsive. I didn't even bother greeting her properly. I went home cooled my head down and realized my mistakes. The thing is, I didn't even have enough courage to chat her. I didn't know what to say. Who am I to her anyway?!?!  I was finally able to message her after a while. Not minding if she'd reply or not.

It all started that night. =D

Her reply came the next day. Her reply says that it was just fine, she knew that I was really a shy person. My heart jumped after reading this. I didn't know what to say. She also asked about how our defense went. So I replied that day, she replied the next day, and I replied that day, October 19.

Her reply came last October 22, and I was online. I was totally surprised. I didn't even expect that she'd reply to my last message. I totally freaked out. I didn't know what to do. The day before, I asked my friend on how to  communicate properly with others, about how would I make a simple conversation. I didn't asked this for her, truth is I was planning to 'use' it with somebody else. I'm pretty lame at conversations especially with a girl.

So I decided to go with the flow. Continued chatting with her awkwardly. As our conversation went on, she started teasing me with what happened. The video, that moment when I was dumbstrucked when her bestfriend said 'Hi!', and may others. I played along with that topic. Jokingly said that I was broken, even though that's the truth, even had a little drama.

That was very memorable. It started so suddenly that it made me awkward, but eventually, I felt a little close to her, even though I don't know that much about her. I don't even know if she's single and available. =P

So I continued chatting with her occasionally as the days pass by. Topics from movies and such things. Then one night, I noticed something different about her. Her messages suddenly seemed melancholic. I tried to look into things, asked her if there's something bothering her. She said that there's none but it really felt that there's something. Maybe I was just imagining things. I was ready to drop the thought then suddenly, she admitted, that she's a drama queen. So there really is something bothering her. It seemed that she was just reluctant to share things, or there really is nothing.

I tried to persuade her a bit, but I am really not good in persuading people. I'm not really that convincing. And I thought that I was feeling 'too close' to her even though we're just recently acquainted. I don't know what her thoughts are. I don't know if it was fine for her. I didn't know what her impression on me is. I didn't know if she'd like me to be even just a friend. I didn't know if I'd be given a chance to be something more, or at least something to her.

But one thing is for sure, she rescued me and gave me a new heart, a new hope. She helped me through when I was in the pain. I'll definitely be in-debt to her. And hopefully, I'd be able to repay her. I definitely want to repay her.

Even though at times, our conversation is very dull because of me, I'm still thankful for those messages. I didn't even expect that I'd be getting over her bestfriend immediately. I won't be hoping that she'll feel the same for me. I'm still not in love with her, but I think that I will eventually. I don't know if she'll fell the same way eventually. I guess, all I can do is cherish this thing, this connection we have. Whichever direction it takes, love or friendship, I'll definitely be thankful that I met her and I definitely won't forget her.

* * *

If ever you're reading this,

ayan na. 

oo madrama din ako.

oo nasira din ako sa nangyari.

nabasag na ng tuluyan ang sira kong puso.

pero buti na lang anjan ka.
buti na lang dumating ka at naging magka-chat tayo.

binigyan mo ko ng bagong puso eh.

binigyan mo ko ng bagong pag-asa.

pano? di ko din alam.

basta, bigla na lang nawala ang sakit eh.

kaya maraming salamat.

nakakatuwa ka kasi eh.

ansaya mo kasing kachat at makulet pa.

sana maging ganito lang din 'pag nagkita tayo.

sa tingin ko masaya ka din kasama at kausap.

sana magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na kausapin ka 'pag nagkita tayo.

pero ako pa? sa hina ng loob ko.

boring akong kausap.

laging tahimik at walang imik.

pagpasensyahan mo na at tanga lang talaga ako.

napakahina lang talaga ng loob ko.

para lang talaga akong bata.

torpe pa.

ikaw na ang bahala kung ano ang gusto mong gawin.

iwasan mo na ako kung gusto mo.

kamuhian mo na ako dahil sa mga nabasa mo.

pero 'wag naman sana.

kasi mamimiss kita, sigurado ako dun.

lalo 'yang kakulitan at kadramahan mo.

mamimiss ko 'yun.

pero wala akong magagawa.

di ko alam ang magiging desisyon mo.

di ko alam kung anong magiging pasya mo.

di kita pipilitin.

ikaw na ang bahala.

sanay na naman akong mabigo.

pero hindi ko na sisirain itong ibinigay mo.

hahaha, napahaba na ng tuluyan itong mensahe ko.

pero siguro ayan na lahat ang gusto kong sabihin sayo.

pero baka may nakalimutan ako, sabihin mo lang.

ay meron pa pala.

isang malaking THANK YOU!

isa pang bagay.
last na 'tong dramang ito.
hahahah.

Hope you'll be able to read this. =D

* * *

That was what my heart wants to tell her. She's offline and I suddenly missed her. I don't know if she's even thinking of me. I don't know if I'm the only guy who she's chatting with. I didn't know if she'll even think of me this way. But for now, I really miss her. Even though I've got nothing to say to her.

But I'll always be thankful. I'll always pray for her safety. I'll always ask God to give her the best.

* * *

Well, that's it I guess. Wish me luck. I'll show this post to her one of these days.

 Thanks for passing by! =D