After my friend got the video for my birthday, I lost all of my confidence to face the girl I admire. I also learned that she already has a boyfriend and that they've been in a relationship for two years. That really destroyed every small rays of hope I had.
I thought that with the video, I would have a chance, an opportunity to try and be a friend her, but knowing the situation, I lost my cool. I always try to avoid going to the places where she is to avoid meeting her, and to avoid being teased by my friends. Since then, I started avoiding her like hell.
* * *
Later on, maybe a few weeks after that happened, my friend, the one who got the video, learned from a very reliable source, the girl's best friend, that the couple broke up. The reason was very simple, her priority was her study. He was doubting that reason for an unknown reason. He said that it was unreasonable because from what we've learned, they've been in a relationship for two years.
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| I kept wearing poker face to avoid being teased. XD |
I kept my poker face. Deep inside, a small ray of hope had shined. But it was obstructed by the fact that I don't have yet the courage to approach, or even say "hi" to her.
* * *
And that fucking moment came. It started in the library. Our group was doing our thing, projects as usual. Then their group came in and did their own thing as well. My friend was too busy so I pretended that I didn't notice and continued doing my job. Then a few minutes later, I noticed that they've already spotted us. Her friend kept smiling at our direction, and she had looked a few times already. How did I notice, I've got a third eye for such thing. XD
Anyway, since I can't focus on the thing I've been doing, I told my friend the situation. He can't stop himself from laughing. My friend and her best friend kept smiling at each other knowing our current situation. So I wasn't able to continue my job.
They've left the library. I thought that everything was over. Until...
* * *
Our group decided to take a break. We went down to go to the canteen. While descending the stairs, my mind was nowhere to be found. I wasn't there at that moment. I'm not sure what I was thinking back then. After a turn in the stairs, they were there. It was a coincidence that they were also going to the canteen.
They've noticed us. Her best friend nudged her. And without warning, she waved and said "hi!'.
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| She really said "hi" that time. XD |
After she waved and said "hi!", I was stunned, dumbstruck by the situation. I didn't know what to respond. I looked at her blankly for a few seconds. I didn't even responded to her. Then they continued walking to the canteen where we are also headed.
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Dumbstruck, didn't know what to say after that "hi!'. =(
This image is not mine, just got it over the net. |
After those
fucking situations, I felt like blood already left my head. I went straight to the fountain and drank water just after arriving at the canteen. Went and sat down, didn't eat, didn't speak. For some moments, my friends thought that I wasn't feeling well. It is true that I became very pale after going through all that. A very immature response for that situation.
* * *
I felt very sorry for myself, very ashamed for what I've done. At least I should have responded to her greetings. That was very not cool.
I continued feeling the same the whole week.
* * *
Later that week, my friend had a news for me. He learned that she's back with her boyfriend for a few weeks already. Good thing, he told me that through text. Nobody had a chance to see how shocked I am, how wrecked I am when that little ray of hope was removed from me.
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| I there's anything left, I'm sure it's already broken. |
After that, I kept my cool, told those who knew that it was nothing. I wore my poker face once again, and just kept joking on it.
* * *
Later that day, I asked the permission of my friend to read his and her best friend's text conversation. I learned that the girl I admire remembered me. We first met each other before our first year in college started. That was almost 4 years ago, and she still remembered me. That was enough I guess. =)
* * *
Sorry for this non-sense post if you ever stopped by and read. My heart's just really ruined.
BUT THIS FEELING IS WORTH REMEMBERING.
I didn't know that it still existed in me.
Thanks for stopping by. =D
