On the First Day of 2013

No holidays allowed! Got work to do!
I NEED TO GET A LIFE!

So 2012 has ended, and though, most of the events I've experience suck, it is still worth remembering. Like the time when my friends surprised me during my birthday. That embarrassing moment when I got her video greeting me. That time when I started chatting. And when my friend introduced me to her friend.

I can say that I've met a few people, or yeah, you could say girls, but all I got was, being a pessimistic person, false hope. The problem was really me. I suck! No other reasons.

* * *

Whenever a new year comes, most make a new year's resolution. So I've decided to create a few for myself. First, I would not expect much. As the saying goes, "less expectation, less disappointments". Second would be, to have more meaning/thought to my words. I should think more of what I should say. And last would be to have a little faith in myself. I guess I should start believing in me to make things possible.

* * *

Snickers, Ninja-Moves, and Epic Failures!

Lonely? Grab a Snickers!
yey! :3

The other night, I bought this bar of snickers. I wasn't able to eat it that night 'coz I totally forgot that I bought it. And it was getting late when I arrived home.

The next day, I was off to school to attend to a certain commitment involving my scholarship. The only hassle is that the meeting would start by 4 pm and I've arrived too early. It was 12 noon so I've got 4 hours to kill.

There is this school fair coming  and our organization is preparing a booth for it. Every orgs in the school does every year to show the prospect students what it's like to be in the course. Well, I wasn't really that helpful. I can help, but I'm not sure what I'll do. And there are a bit too many hands in there already. So I'd just be blocking their way if I linger there around.

So, I've decided to take some lunch with some friends, and played Dota while waiting. Enjoyed the games and had really good time, though deep inside, there was something missing.

* * *

When it's almost time, I decided to pass by the booth. They were really enjoying things down there. And one of our profs was there, and it seems that he's enjoying watching the others prepare the booth. After a while of chit-chat, I decided to look for where the meeting is gonna take place.

On my way, I noticed a girl, sitting on some low, concrete-walls that's guarding the soil of a tree. She's there and it seems that she's picking-up someone, a kid, maybe a sibling or a close-relative, 'coz she's holding a lunch box of a toddler. I didn't know if she was there the first time I passed.

It was just a quick glance and realized that it was her! The one I admire, the one who said 'hi' and left me stunned. The girl I don't have the courage to face. I suddenly panicked, didn't know what to do. Didn't know if she noticed, or saw me or whatever. I wanted to say 'hi' but I can't. I simply lack the courage to do so.

So I walked as if I didn't notice her, and kept myself calm. I went to the hall where the meeting takes place and cursed myself for not having the guts to say 'hi'.

* * *

A similar thing happened a few days before that. I was on my way to the lobby when I realized that she's coming from the opposite direction to where I was going. Again, I panicked and did some stupid ninja-moves. I decided to go around a different path and just ignored her. I didn't know if she noticed or even saw me. But if she did, I totally screwed up that day.

* * *

So after the meeting, expecting that she'll not be there, I decided to go check the booth again. But hey, she's still there! And fuck stupid me, I really wanted to say 'hi'. Just a simple 'hi' will do, no more stupid follow-up conversations. But  fuck stupid me, I just really can't.

I don't know if those were opportunities God gave me, but really, I just can't get a hold of myself whenever she's near. I'm not strong enough, I'm too weak!

* * *

A shot before the event.
I was expecting more participant would be there,
but I guess, it was just too early.

So, I came to school earlier than expected. I was hoping that the hall would already be crowded at the time that I arrived. Well, lucky me. I was assigned to the technical team, in-charged of some technical stuffs for the program. But truth is, we're just really back-ups.

I wasn't able to do anything at all during the whole day. All  I did was pass by the booth, stay in one place then another, and watch others do their job. I was totally lost the whole day. Absent-minded because of what happened earlier that day.

* * *

Earlier that day, I was sitting on some bleachers together with some familiar faces. And I assumed that they were also assigned to the technical team, and I was right. Then she came, her bestfriend. the one I've been chatting to once in a while.

I promised her the night before that I'd give her my flash drive containing some of the movies she'd requested a long time ago. But I just can't give it to her. One of her classmate was there, and they were chatting. It's awkward for me 'coz I don't have the confidence to talk to her in person, while it seems that I'm pretty close to her during our messages online.

That's really awkward. I admit it, I was too shy to even say a proper 'hi' to her. So lame. :'(

* * *

Plus, there were a few times I've almost bumped into Ms. M during the fair, But all I did was do some stupid nninja-moves and ignore her. 

From now on, I'll call her Ms. M and her bestfriend, the one I've been chatting to would be Ms. A.

Stupid me!

Ms. A and Ms. M
I tried painting them, but it's an epic fail! >.<

Stupidity strikes again!

That's so stupid! I don't wanna look at it!

Today's a day of mixed emotions. It all started in a good way.

I woke-up early just in time to arrive....

Oh f*ck, I'm in no mood to write how my day went.

To make things short, I bought my first smartphone today, a Cherry Mobile Flare, with an awesome specs, for a very cheap price. Waited in line for almost 4 hours, but spending 4,000 pesos for such phone is worth it, in my humble opinion.

We went back to school after buying, found out that we don't have class, and stayed a while in the food court. Then she came, and I guess didn't really care to notice me. It felt pretty awkward knowing that we usually send messages to one another. It made me sad, but I was able to endure it.

And now, I tried and post a sweet pick-up line, without any intention of giving meaning to it. Then her post came, and it seemed like someone else was making a move on her. Now that was really really f*ckin' awkward.

But why should I react, I didn't mean anything to her, right? It's just really painful, knowing that I kept secrets from her, risky secrets that I didn't even get the chance to share it to her. It's risky in a way that it might change things, for better or for worse.

Next time, I'll try to be more honest and sincere. Next time, I'll try to get a girl using honesty and sincerity, not by cheezy pick-up lines.

I FEEL REALLY F*CKIN' STUPID, MEN! I'M SO STUPID I WANNA DIEEEEEEEE!

End of the line!

Everything comes to an end.

I realized last night what that line truly means. "There is more to life than love.". I guess, I should stop pretending to be a lover boy, and stop catching the attention of the girl I like. Like what her message said last night, "God has a better plan".

So that's it I guess, it's the end of the line. I won't pursue her. I'll stop pretending to be something I'm not. But I'm happy that we're acquainted with each other. That at least, she, or maybe both them, knows I exists in this fuckin' world.


So now, maybe I'll forget about that love stuff, and try to divert my attention to something that is needed for the moment. There's a ton of deadlines ahead of me.

* * *

A little while ago, while chatting again with her bestfriend, I confirmed that she's somewhat broken. But there's nothing I can do. I'm not her friend. So maybe, I'll just pray for her. I believe that she's a strong girl. That's why maybe I was attracted to her. A total opposite of me.

* * *

God has a better plan, so I won't rush into things. But I'll try to be a better gentleman to those around me. Maybe one day...

Thanks for passing by! Have a great day! =D